Kristen Essay:
I feel like you did a really good job inputting your own ideas and experiences. I liked when you brought up your emotions and feelings when you went to a physical therapist. This adds to the meaning as the reader can connect to your paper. Also, you integrated your quotes really well. I liked how you cut quotes short and put a lot more into the paper. This created a smooth easy read. I would work on you analysis when you go to make corrections. You bring valid points to the table but don’t fully invest in your evidence. I would recommend going through the quote and reevaluate the true meaning behind it. When doing so, make connections to yourself and outside sources. This will add more beef to your essay so that the reader will be fully invested and persuaded in your claim. Lastly, I think your title is good. You got straight to the point in a creative and precise way.
Emily Essay:
When reading your essay, you did a really good adding quotes and incorporating your own ideas into the paper. You bring different topics to the table which strengthen your essay. I liked how smooth your paper was as it had a nice flow. Your introduction was a little long though. I would cut it down and break it up. You start to get into your evidence in your intro. Your body paragraphs introduce good details but lack some analysis. I would bulk up on the analysis as in the end, it will only make your paper better. Your closing sentence in the conclusion was really good. It made the reader start to think about their own profession and how art could be incorporated, if not already. You connect the conclusion to the introduction well. Your title is very lame. It needs some work as it does not intrigue the reader at all.
